Tuesday, May 31, 2005

The Application Process

The complete, official, unabridged, application process:

1. Initial screening, conducted without applicant’s knowledge or consent.
2. 40 days and 40 nights of prayer.
3. Vote taken, unanimous vote required, for application process to continue. If unanimous vote not received, process begins over with Step #1.
4. Individual interviews conducted without applicant’s knowledge or consent.
5. Sub-committees rally supporting their candidates.
6. Vote taken, unanimous vote required, for application process to continue. If unanimous vote not received, process begins over with Step #1.
7. Informal gathering with applicants. Habits observed. Brisket evaluated.
8. Applicant’s references checked.
9. Official invitation presented. If invitation declined, property in Montana purchased by committee.
10. Applicant’s self-examination period.
11. Applicant’s acceptance of invitation presented in writing.
12. Scriptural objections period.
13. Vote taken, unanimous vote required, for application process to continue. If unanimous vote not received, plans for house in Montana finalized.
14. Ordination

Friday, May 27, 2005

Jenni-Poo's Team

Jennifer,

Congratulations! You are the 2nd person I have stalked now…with, of course, the exception of that one guy that has that restraining order out against me…but that’s another topic for another day! Actually, you told me you hadn’t been blogging a long time, and you mentioned that your posts weren’t so long, so I decided I could read all of yours without as big of a time commitment as was the case with our literary genius friend who has MUCH to say – so that’s how come I decided to stalk you after Lindsey. Since I feel like I will never have an original thought of my own, and never get to actually post something inspirational for the world (“inspirational” & “Joanie” – they don’t really go together!), I think I’ll post my reply to your posts-to-date on my blog – just so it will look like I’ve done something besides just reply. Lindsey’s got my link on her page so find my reply there.

Here are the comments I feel compelled to make just to get caught up on the times I have missed in the blogging world.

Statements that HAVE to be made:
1. I DID NOT really love ChaChi – it was just a thing one summer.
2. If your funny friend is the same funny friend I have, I just have to say that she is the funniest female I have ever known…and I mean EVER!
3. You are a great mom! I sure hope I don’t screw up Blake’s life and he ends up being one of those kids that everyone runs from when they see him coming! Any hints on how to do that, since your kids have turned out so great?

Suggestions that NEED to be made:
1. Put a bottle of white-out in Coleton’s pocket and run it through the wash – see if it doesn’t solve that nasty ink issue.

Questions I MUST ask:
1. Now I know why Brian looks so familiar to me – he was Colonel Flagg, wasn’t he? At first I thought he might have been Klinger, but Klinger did not have good legs like Brian, so, I flipped back to the neurotic guy, which seemed like a better fit.
2. Did the parrot have a wooden leg? Doesn’t it usually go “a parrot with a wooden leg walks up my driveway…”?

OK – so that wasn’t so painful, was it?

I’m so glad to be your friend, Jenni-Poo! Remember….I’m on YOUR team! Off to do more stalking! Lemme see…who is next…

Love ya,

Joanie

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Lindsey,

First of all, I’d like to say THANK YOU VERY MUCH for getting me hooked on yet another thing that I can obsess about. There we were last Sunday night, innocently catching up on what had gone on since we’d last seen each other, and you just HAD to mention this whole blog deal. Yeah…I’m not so old and out of it that I hadn’t heard of blogs…but little did I know just how addicting it would be to start reading them. I guess the only one that I had seen was the Princess Maisy Easter Tribute on Ryan’s blog. Karen N. had sent me the link and I had seen the beautiful Maisy-Girl pictures – but didn’t delve much deeper into Ryan’s blog (I just thought it was his website – not a daily “Dear Diary”). I figured Ryan’s posts were way too deep for me, anyhow. Since I’ve got several things that I just have to say, I think I will create my own blog and post my comments there so as not to junk up your blog. If I know what I’m doing – and I’m not sure that I do, my comments are posted at blakesmom.blogspot.com.

So, I feel like I have now become YOUR stalker. Two nights in a row I stayed up until 1:00ish reading all of your posts back to January. Here are a few things that I have learned, don’t understand, am amazed at, recall, etc.:

Things from Lindsey’s Blog that I am amazed/impressed about:
1. Little baby Trevor graduated? Unbelievable. I remember teaching Trevor and Zach V. in Children’s Worship in the Chapel a million years ago. They are both still about 8 years old in my mind.
2. Josh and Suzie are still together. What’s up with that? Kelly and I saw them on New Year’s Eve in downtown Fort Worth and I wondered the same thing then. Since I realize that you are the only one reading this – tell me the scoop – is that relationship headed somewhere or what? Isn’t it about time for the next step?
3. You met RUPERT? When? How? Where? I’m so jealous. I want to be you when I grow up!
4. You sure own a lot of CD’s.

Things I read on Lindsey’s Blog that were so dadgum funny that I had to read them to Kelly:
1. Ben and KK making your purse fall off the chair during ACU graduation.
2. Your fear of rabbits and washing your face. (Sorry to laugh at your fears…that probably exposes my own inadequacies in many ways.)
3. You ate Kleenex? My side still hurts from laughing over that one! I know I LOL’d at it.

Things I wonder about after reading Lindsey’s Blog:
1. Is the Taco Bueno in Abilene that you go to the one on Judge Ely – not very far down from the school? Back in the olden days, before people thought about how nasty it was, they used to have their hot sauce on the table in one of those syrup containers. One of my college buddies and I used to go buy a bag of Doritos and take it to Taco Bueno and just sit there and have chips and hot sauce. We really felt like we were getting away with something. Oh…and I would like to point out that those olden days were long after ACC became ACU. Just down from the Taco Bueno was the Super Duper grocery store and the Radford Hills Laundromat. All of those old buildings were torn down and redone at some point, I’m pretty sure. I think it’s where that new grocery store is – the one with the “restaurant” on the end of it now.
2. During ACU graduation, do you still have a parent/friend/whoever sit behind you in a white robe so they can put the hood deal on you? Why are there 2 graduations at ACU?
3. Was there a NY’s Eve video made this last year? Is it fit for “public” viewing and if so, can I go stand in line somewhere to buy tickets? I’ll dress up like a groupy while waiting in line - tap lights, pirate’s hook, etc.
4. Is Napoleon Dynamite a movie or a singing group?
5. How come Jack Holder is so up-to-date on hip, young, music? He’s older than I am and I’ve never heard of Polyphonic Spree. I suppose he may be running in different circles than I am…ya think?!
6. Which is stinkier coming from the backseat of a car – funyion or corn-nuts? My money is on corn-nuts.
7. Why do people wait so long to see a movie as soon as it comes out? Is it a better version if you see if on the first showing?
8. How often do you suppose Ryan gets a haircut?

Things that I have to comment on:
1. The old Jack Holder was a nice guy. He may still be. I’m glad you can tolerate him more now. How weird about the new girlfriend. I saw one of our friend’s dad and new wife last week at a restaurant and it made me so sad. Why does life have to get so screwed up sometimes? Lucky for these guys that they aren’t depending on my forgiveness and forgetting of their screwed up life.
2. We didn’t have the ice cream man in our neighborhood – just the snow cone man. I think it was even before the days of “The Entertainer” music. We were never sacred of anyone abducting us in those days. I still have great memories of eating a coconut snow cone and tearing off the pointy end of the paper cone and drinking the juice out the bottom.
3. Thanks for the update on the “As Seen On TV” scams. I still never see that little icon that I don’t think of Emily. And didn’t I feel special to be mentioned in one of Emily’s comments to you in your blog.
4. I fit much better into the Harold’s scene than I do at the “fancy” Joe Allen’s. I hadn’t thought about Harold’s singing in ages. Thanks for reminding me. Have you ever been to Larry’s Better Burger for the messiest nachos in town? Or for their Butterfinger ice cream? Being the Ice Cream Club president, you may not be able to lower yourself to eat anything besides Blue Bell, but maybe you could go check it out undercover one day. Take a friend – it’s not necessarily the kind of place you want to go to alone!
5. I usually sat on the next to the last row in college classes. Except in the case of Mr. Low’s (a.k.a. Dean Low – Nathan and Kimmi’s dad) Economics class. We sat on the front row and kept track of what color shirt he wore – 80% of the time it was a white button down/starched long sleeve shirt. On his really WILD days, he might branch out to pale yellow or light blue. We had a tally sheet and would cast our votes on the color before he showed up. Somehow…I’ll bet I didn’t do too well in his class!
6. I probably still have a Mazzio’s cup somewhere in my cupboard and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
7. Four-Square evolved highly by the time you played it. All I remember is bubbles and pin-cushions. However, I am thankful that I at least remember those two.
8. I’m sad to be so old that I don’t know about “Guess Who?” I may try to act young at times, and think I’m young-ish when you and KK, Emily, Maggie, etc. talk to me and include me like an equal – but there’s no denying that I’m old enough to be the mom of all of you.

I guess I’m off now to start stalking all of our other mutual friends’ blogs now. Oh, the obsession….You sure turned out to be a great “kid” (sorry for the old person vernacular). I’m glad to be a friend of yours!

Love ya Lindsey,
Joanie